2024 begins (01012024)

It is not about the destination, it is the journey.

It is the journey that shows you...

It is the journey that teaches you...

It is the journey that makes you discover...

How little that you actually know.

I began my DPhil in October 2023. In the blink of an eye, this is my final year; my fourth year in this humbling life episode. The ups and downs over the last few years have been challenging, but without the support of my family, it will be near impossible. For that, I am truly grateful!

As the millennium enters another year, my heart fills with mixed of emotions. The sense of uncertainties and anxiety is perhaps the most predominant now. The countdown for the final viva has begun. As my scholarship will be officially ending in April 2024, my days here are counted. The plan is to submit the final thesis manuscript by the end of January 2024, for a viva in March 2024, insyaAllah. Nevertheless, now the thesis is being evaluated first by my three supervisors; Prof Masliza, Prof Betty Raman and Prof Adam Lewandowski. Once all three SVs are happy with the draft, then only I can proceed with the final submission. The examiners have been confirmed as well. The internal examiner is Prof Svetlana (https://www.rdm.ox.ac.uk/people/svetlana-reilly), a renowned professor of Cardiovascular Science at Oxford University, whose main areas of research are cardiac fibrosis and atrial fibrillation, while my external examiner is Prof Atilla Kardos (https://www.topdoctors.co.uk/doctor/attila-kardos), whose areas of expertise include chest pain, palpitations, breathlessness,  cardiovascular imaging,  general cardiology cardio-oncology and heart screening. To be honest, it gives me palpitations every time I think about this. But inevitably. this needs to be completed once and for all! I just want to be 'free'.....so do my wife and kids I think. The Dphil effects spillover to them as well. The stress is real and I am not joking. 

Oftentimes, the thought crossed, "Why did I decide to do this, is it really worth it?" And every time, the thought came, the counter-thoughts dismissed it by saying "Don't worry, everything will be fine eventually inshallah. The pursuit of knowledge is loved by the Creator, so do not despair!". So the cycle continues. And with this, I keep on going.

As I am writing this, I have about 100 days to complete the following:

1. Final thesis manuscript

2. Finalise the submission for my first-author paper that has been rejected a few times..sigh!

3. Prepare for my first oral presentation in Jan 2024.  My work is selected for a 3-minute fire-research abstract presentation, at the International SCMR conference in London.

4. Finalise some additional ECG and CMR analysis for my HCM work for the SARC-ECG project with Zak (my DPhil colleague). 

5. Finalise ECG work for my COVID-19 work before the viva.

6. Submit progress reports to my funder (UKM and KPT).

The list goes on.....

The list is of course, non-exhaustive. There are piles of other commitments that need my attention too obviously (being a husband and a father of 2 teens and 2 actively growing young boys, etc). As a human being, multi-tasking is just a reality that all of us have to embrace. But at times, it can be overwhelming that it starts to take its toll on our mental, and physical health and psychology in human interactions. Labile mood, anhedonia, and anxiety....to list a few, are all common symptoms. Hence I need to get out of this bubble the soon I can.

My wish for 2024, may Allah make it easy for us as family in this final phase of our journey before we pack for good and head home in the summer. And most importantly, this has nothing to do with me ALONE, but it has got to do with ALL OF US. May all of humanity unite as one, strive for the victory of the Palestinians, and pray for their patience, steadfastness and right to self-determination. Free Palestine! We shall talk about this more in the next posting.